oh baby

i have touched and tasted every inch that i can reach. you have looked at me with those big dead eyes. through me to some other whatever i do not want any part of. the sands in your life, they keep shifting. your face drifts toward sleep, leaving and letting go. you stand and cling, then fuck away, i have no idea who you are. i stare through the ceiling until i can feel you.i prefer the fucking to the future because most days my future evaporates anyway and we can stand together forever, at the gates. sad that is the most romantic moment that i can think of. break my heart and throw it away, why would i need it, i am not planning to see the light of a lot more days i am Young and dumb and have a future that will burn out and make peace with no one.

the best worst days in the world

i spent a day rolling around in a bed that is scented with my lotion streaked with mascara from last night. i could not keep my eyes open, but i will be damned if they would stay closed. i should be doing big bad terrible things right now. night off, whoot. would rather just enjoy the sounds of disembodied television voices and let sappy music break my heart.

the days are a bit blurred. i exist in a purgatory of happiness that keeps me from having to

sleep

eat

think

breath. but we come up for air sometimes and then, here we are, blinking in the sun. we don't know each other without the veil of darkness, inebriation.

so we fight cuz we are frustrated.

i think i gave myself food poisoning.

i have never known how to make a damn omelet.

i will find out very soon that that word was spelled incorrectly and that eddie vedder will live a long happy life writing music for popular movies, but the one time he made me cry was with that cover of Last Kiss.

new man, so unreliable, i trust him. don't I?

 too tired to care. ode to the summer fling.